We Get It. You Fucking Like Sports.

I’d like to consider myself a well-rounded individual. I like to read and write and do creative things and drink my face off on the weekends. Sometimes I rant, sometimes I complain, sometimes (rarely), I say something witty, related to a hobby etc. Fbook is a dangerous place where people think they are 100% funny and cool all of the time. Unfortunately, Barney lied to you about being special, and a lot of the shit you post to the internet is not only lame but obnoxious and you look retarded with one like its something you clearly sat in your car plotting out on a three hour drive home, waiting for a red light to post it. I like some variety in my life. That being said, with Boston sports kicking ass as usual, I’m fucking over all of this shit about any and all NBA bs going on right now BLOWING up the internet.

Log onto facebook. “57 people are talking about the Miami Heat”. Really? The first ten people probably thought they were adding to people’s internet enjoyment by making fun of whatever and whoever they were laughing at. When did it get to a point though were Joe Schmoe posts “Lebron can suck my nuts” and 2 seconds that Molly O’Mally “Lebron can jump off a cliff”? Real fucking creative. We’re in a close battle with the Heat right now. Lebron plays for the Heat. This could be making an ASSumption, BUT I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT EVERY FUCKING CELTICS FAN WANTS LEBRON JAMES TO SUCK THEIR NUTS AND JUMP OFF CLIFFS AND DIE IN A FIERY INFERNO OF MAN PENISES.The kicker is that everyone and their mom eats this shit up. How many of these fucking statues can a person like or comment on? Fucking bros commenting left and right “yeah! fuck him!”. Why don’t you focus on fucking your girlfriend instead? I don’t know just a thought. Straight dudes always calling other dudes fags and what not. Clearly, because you just spent the last 3 weeks hanging out, jumping around all over each other and leaving your girlfriend at home to play pop, lock & drop it with her clam burger. “Oh, Kerry. My girlfriend is so0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o cool. I bring her with me to watch the game”. Yeah. Cool. I’m sure your friends fucking love that. Idiot.

But this isn’t to say that bids can’t like this shit either. I know lots of girls that love basketball. And that’s cool. That’s your thing, I respect that. I have friends that like hockey, and football. Personally, me, this guy here, I like baseball. And I’m glued to the TV for the X Games and the Dew Tour. I also have friends that seem to like sports a lot more when they have some dude bringing them to a really good game so they can brag to whatever guy their humping at the time. Kick him when he’s down, in the face and the balls. Honestly though, how many chicks are going to fucking front like they watch any and all sports? “Go Celtics! Woohooo! PGA Tour, yeah buddy! Fucking fights on! I don’t like the Patriots, go Bills!” OK, the Celtics are on, I get that. PGA? Really? Hate to break it to you sweetie, but you’re not even really allowed to play and you don’t get a free game for getting a hole in one at the end. The fight’s on? Your boyfriend is making you watch that and you only sit through it because the sexy fighters get your panties wet. Oh, and the curve ball. You don’t like the team you’re supposed to so you can get into fights with co-workers and guys at the bar and pretend like you actually know a sport. YOU’RE A FUCKING CHICK. Dudes think anything that comes out of your mouth sounds like your period talking. You could actually be making a comprehensive point, and all they here is “Chocolate. Cosmo. Daquiris. I love Twightlight. Why don’t you buy me anything, Stacy’s boyfriend buys her nice shit”. It’s not their fault that they have small dicks, I mean brains. But really bids, you probably don’t know that much, and that probably is what you sound like 90% of the time. Stop faking it like the “orgasm” you had that one time two years ago.

And finally, please stop with the play by plays. I don’t need a TV. I have a facebook. ANYTHING that happens, I’m the first to know, whether I want to or not. As much as you don’t want your girlfriend to tell you to stop playing XBox, I don’t want you to tell me anything about this game or it’s score. It’s going to change anyway. If I wanted to know, I could turn on the TV. “BRADY DROPPED THE BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Well, I’m pretty sure he’s going to pick it back up at some point and try again. Just fucking saying. You probably dropped the ball a few times too. Rec basketball, rec baseball, that time you brought that smokin’ hot chick home and couldn’t get it up because you drank too much and she laughed at you and called you a limp dick motherfucker and made you cry. It happens.

All I’m saying is, we know you like sports. That’s all you fucking talk about. I’d rather give a shit about anything else. Win or lose, I’m still coming out and using these games as an excuse to get wayyyyyyy too hammered on a Tuesday night. Just shut the dick up about it.

*9/10 people are calling me anti-Boston and a Hitler Youth.